dallying

What would you do
if I were to leave you alone.
I know I could
never forget all about you.

I reason
the truth should set me free.
Yet I lay
so addicted to you.

Just stop,
I tell myself.
I can't.
I'd lose my mind.

Sad
but true,
you
forgot.

-e

never

never

   tell man

   what

      he can

      or

         cannot do.

         so,

never

   set restrictions

   for

      all of them will

      break

         upon a man's faith.

         so,

never

   look down upon man

   for

      man will walk beyond and

      destroy

         the edges of limitations.

         so,

never

   doubt me and my way

   for

      I will subvert reality and

      shatter

         the boarder of expectation.

         so,

never

   tell me

   what

      I can

      or

         cannot

         do.

-e

Leaves

I read it in books;
   I see it in life.
Like leaves upon fall,
   Dreams within a tree.
Yet, many are proud
   To rake up the ground.

And I read it in books,
   But see it in life too,
How people always walk,
   Their eyes aimed at the ground.
Yet, the irony works,
   To make me smile the same.

Because we sigh at what we read,
   And cry for what we see the most,
For we all think about those dreams,
   The ones that just could never be.
Yet we see it all on those leaves
   The ones that flow on that one tree.

Still, I see it in life
   And sometimes inside books.
We fail to realize
  That we look down too much.
Yet, we all seem to think
  That we look up too much.

So I wonder in the end,
   Which of them matters the most.
Is it the dreams up above
   Or is it the dreams below?
Yet, the answer lies in life,
   More often than in a book.

Rant 6.22.2013

I usually try not to complain about things like this as I find it hypocritical of my part because I am part of the United States’ consumer culture. If it were not true, I would not want money and things as much as I do. Yet today, while shopping for groceries, I saw a little girl—probably around six years old—pushing one of those tiny little shopping carts that read, “shopper in training!”

I imagine over 90% of the population would think, “awww, how cute.” That’s why those things—the carts—exist. Otherwise, no one in their right mind would have a little girl push around a tiny little cart while the parents push the real one that can actually carry more than a six pack of beer.

Nevertheless, I saw that and felt a tiny little pain on my chest—pain unrelated to a heart condition, I swear. What the hell are we doing as a society? There is just so much wrong with that image that it bugs me. Can no one really see it? Besides indoctrinating the little girl into a consumer society, that just shows exactly how wrong we perceive women. Apparently, we should train little girls, from their early years, to be the one who does the grocery shopping.

And sure, you can argue that the gender thing I see can be a form of projection since my stupid sense of equality and justice tends to burst out at the most random and moments. And sure, those carts are not gender specific. But sincerely, usually the boys are running around with toys, destroying everything on sight (just like I did while growing up), while the sister push the damn little useless cart.

Sigh. I guess that’s my rant of the day today. I will try and upload a third poem later tonight. I’m still researching the card and writing the first draft of the poem.

-e

XIII

A hand, the page it turns
and moves along the path
of Life.

And yet it all will change
upon the chapter's end
          it falls.

The door will close and he
will grin, for he knows you
                     only man.

And you know him, the one
to end all life again
                                     in Death.

XII

I thought I understood
   but it all turned around.
      left me paused, hanging there
         my life, my will erode.

I lost it all to win.
   I gathered all and lost.
      Let go to take control
         of life, a paradox.

I am a Hanged Man.

An Essay on Ethics

Sometimes I hate how people can be so fucking cold. I am not perfect. I know. But what the fuck did I ever do to receive so much aggression from that…I reserve my comments on that person. I can only sigh. Sometimes I wish people could just live.

I just don’t get it. It is so easy. Just like I don’t hate that one person. I don’t hate anyone. Sure, I can find people annoying, some outright distasteful to the point I don’t wish to speak to them; but, I don’t think I could hate. It takes so much negative energy that poisons the body. The taste of that feeling nauseates me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting everyone should go out screaming “love.” I just want some damn integrity. If you can’t make good, at the very least, don’t make bad. Many people suffer enough. Even those who smile, sometimes, they hurt the most; they just hide it. Just accept the people around you.

As a side, I’ve always wanted to comment on the “coexist” stickers popular with a lot of people, mostly with the younger folk. They irk me. Let me explain. Coexisting implies learning to live in the same place, saying that we just need to learn to accept the people around us and let them be. Sure, that’s what I ask for. But, I would like some day to see our world live with each other. I hope one day that we don’t have to coexist. I hope that one day we can all just form a true ecosystem where we can all depend on each other, offer each other respect, and prevent situations like the one I comment on.

I am not a damn saint. I will never be. I’ve broken laws. I’ve broken rules. I’ve even broken my own ideals. And, that last one is that one that hurts the most. That’s why I fight so hard to simply smile at the people that I dislike. Not because I want to be “the better” person. I like to acknowledge  the fact that we are all faulty beings, to fight my own prejudice and move on.

But everything needs a start. So although the coexist bumper stickers annoy me, I respect them. They are the path to what I want. And for the record, that’s why both novels I am writing deal with prejudice. Absolution Symphony outright deals with religious zealotry and how narrow views fuck with society. And, my second novel, the one I wish to publish first, Jack Meredith deals with my own personal venture to annihilate my own prejudices. That’s why its a science-fiction, cyber-punk, novel.

I really do apologize that I haven’t put up any creative work here on a long time. Over the next few months, I should increase the amount by an insane amount as I will no longer go to school or even work (I need a summer job but I haven’t heard back from any of the places I applied to). I just hope I can keep myself busy for three full months. And yeah, in a sense, this was both a pretty random essay, update, and personal note (which I promised not to put up to but I feel I disguised it well enough).

My offer on the other story thing still stands. If you would like to read the Witch and the Journal before I go far, I would be okay releasing a page or two.

Journey on, people.

-e